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Tigger August reaches out for roommate Nathan Magard during a going-away party for August in late March. August considered suicide several times before seeking help. NEWS&GUIDE PHOTO / PRICE CHAMBERS

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Last in a series –Eds.

Tigger August sat in his Jackson apartment with a sawed-off shotgun under his chin for 12 hours.

He battled his thoughts of pulling the trigger between sips of Jameson Irish Whiskey. He pictured how his buddies or sister would handle the hole he left. What was left for him to keep going, he asked himself.

His mind flashed to the half dozen other times he came to the same edge. A long swim off the coast of Hawaii’s Big Island. Swallowing pills only to wake up in a hospital.

“There are times that are so bad at the other end, you think nothing is worth dealing with,” he said. “It’s an easy way out.”

But as the seconds slipped into minutes, then hours, he faced up to his hesitation. Those pauses made for self-reckoning as the night passed.

“A lot of people get at that moment and have asked themselves what they really want,” he said. “That’s the moment you really decide what are you going to do.”

He faced the darkness and walked away. He signed up to talk to someone at the Jackson Hole Counseling Center. April marked his one-year anniversary of deciding to take control of his personal struggles.

August, 44, suffers from bipolar and manic-depressive disorders with suicidal tendencies. Without medication, his head becomes a theater with eight movies playing simultaneously, in stereo, and he doesn’t know which one to tune into.

“I’m putting my experience out there because – who knows – telling people might help them open up,” he said. “It can’t be cured, but it can be treated.”

What he hopes can be gained by sharing his story is other people struggling with depression and other suicidal catalysts will find company and know it’s OK to get help.

“Fear plays a major part of this disorder, fear of loss and of abandonment,” he says.

Getting help

Last year, the counseling center served more than 540 unique, or new, clients for depression, mental health, economic and suicide crisis situations.

The kinds of people the center serves could surprise.

“The perception of people with mental illness is that they are homeless, but that’s not the case,” said Deb Sprague, the counseling center’s executive director.

Clients are educated people who destroy the stereotype. A majority have two or three years of college, she said. More than 60 percent of clients in fiscal years 2006-07 and 2007-08 have 12 or more years of education.

In recent months, economic stress has driven more people to seek help, and the center has reported a list of 35 people who may wait two to three weeks to see a counselor.

Heath Miller, a therapist at the counseling center, says friends and relatives should learn the warning signs. Take suicidal statements seriously and watch for indications, such as giving away personal items.

Chester Boman’s wife, Barbara, shot herself four years ago in Moran after years of suffering from depression. Boman now lives with the what-ifs.

He isn’t sure if counselors or medicine could have stopped her. But he hopes others can prevent the same thing from happening.

“Whoever is close to them, just don’t take ‘no’ for an answer,” he says. “Don’t take it for granted that things are going to get better.”

His wife always worried about her family and cared too much about other people.

“I can’t stress enough, if there is any sign at all ... you just have find a way to get help,” he says.

Money is tight

One challenge for mental health services across Wyoming is funding. The Jackson Hole Community Counseling Center relies mostly on town and county money for support.

“Our town and county pick up the dollars that the state is not funding for us,”  Sprague said. “They have been the ‘gap filler’ addressing the funding we absolutely need but don’t receive from the state.”

Town and county monies remained somewhat steady despite this year’s tighter financial budget.

Teton County funding remained the same, with an allocated $241,076 for basic services and another $112,556 for crisis services.

The town of Jackson budgeted $103,000, a reduction of $8,000 from the previous year, for the center.

All state agencies, including the Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services Division, made 10 percent cuts this year.

This cut is about $73,660 for the counseling center, Sprague said. She predicts the center will be down in other revenues and says she has cut 3.5 full-time positions since the new fiscal year began in July.

At the same time, a preliminary report shows that the counseling center is providing nearly three times the hour of services that the state had contracted in fiscal year 2008-09.

The report lists total treatment hours as 15,394, while the contracted target is 5,258. The difference in cost is $1.33 million for services versus the $457,466 contract total.

“The town and county have made a significant investment, and that’s the reason we can do three times [the amount of service] of what the state gives us – it’s the only reason,” Sprague said.

State health officials acknowledge that mental health and crisis services are in demand.

“There will probably always be a need for more of these services,” said Rodger McDaniel, deputy director at the Wyoming Department of Health.

Much of the state’s attention focuses on drug and substance abuse rather than on crisis situations.

In 2006, the state Legislature passed the Mental Health and Substance Abuse Appropriations Act with a striking difference between the final appropriation and the initial request under the category of “Mental Health Crisis Stabilization.”

The initial request was $6.2 million, and the amount awarded was $1.2 million.

That same year, the Wyoming Mental Health and Substance Abuse Divisions released a “gaps analysis” report that identified a need for more access to mental health help across the state.

While some community mental health centers offer “higher-than-average access and service hours,” the report said, the demand for mental health services “greatly exceeds the current capacity of Wyoming’s public mental health system of care.”

The three limiting factors in delivering service are lack of funding to hire the number of staff members needed to meet the demands, staff salaries and benefits that are not competitive with surrounding states, and the difficulty people have obtaining  licenses, the report stated.

Moving forward

In Jackson, two local groups offer support for those who survive losing a loved one to suicide.

The Teton County Suicide Prevention Coalition meets monthly and sponsors training in prevention, coordinating law enforcement and schools. A survivor support group meets at St. John’s.

Those who make it through their own personal battle, like August, find what works with them through networks of loved ones and friends. They look forward and reach out to others. They talk and meet regularly with a counselor and find their own support systems.

August moved to Oregon in April to be closer to his sister and family security as he looked for employment. He’s better now. The long night with a weapon below his face and whiskey numbing his senses seems like a long time ago.

“If you really want to do it, why are you pausing?” he had asked himself when on the brink.

It’s at that moment when you are beyond all hope that you look at the threshold of life, he says.

“There’s a very fine line you reach when you are getting ready to kill yourself,” he says.

“You can give up and concede to the situation or make a conscious decision to reach out for help,” he said. “There’s hope that things can change and that if you get through, things will be better.”