Deepak Chopra says, “If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another.”

Well, yeah, of course. I was not assuming. I knew that if I didn’t win Grand Champion for my tantalizing, infallibly moist and flavorful cake, I would not be rewarded the Teton County Grand Champion ribbon, darn it. And I wanted that ribbon.

Eventually I stopped vacillating. Chocolate cake with lemon buttercream it would be. My cake would be a classic modern wonder with familiar flavors that exhibit a fine aesthetic. My Wyoming judge would admire the vintage cast-iron pan my creation was baked in because it would exemplify a sense of place, a nod to the Western pioneer spirit. My cake would not be fancy schmancy, but fine of crumb. My cake would be a masterpiece that displayed strength and heft.

I do realize that Teton County Fair Food Exhibit entrants should not choose their food entry by what they think the judge will like. Judges are chosen for their ability to be fair and objective and not use personal likes and dislikes. Foods are to be judged according to standards for texture, shape, crumb and crust.

Keeping with that thought, the best cake will always win, which doesn’t explain the crummy single blue ribbon I was awarded for my Campbell’s tomato soup spice cake baked in a bundt pan in the late ’90s. Tell me that the judge knew what she was talking about.

I am not a good sport at all. Win at all costs, that’s what I say. Truth be told, I don’t just want the Grand Champion ribbon. I want a front-page feature along with a photo of my chocolate cake in a skillet and another photo of me smiling with my ribbon while wearing a crown especially presented to me by the president of the Fair Board. I’d also enjoy a special seat at the Figure 8s and the honor of presenting the Figure 8 winner with the trophy.

When my ribbo is bestowed on me, I will not be keeping a low profile. I’m no Linda Skeens: a sweet, kind, churchgoing woman in her late 60s who preferred to keep to herself as she became an internet sensation after she recently won dozens of county fair categories at the Virginia-Kentucky District Fair. Mrs. Skeens won blue ribbons for 25 out of 80 fair exhibit categories, including peach turnovers, chocolate cake, peanut butter cookies and best non-cucumber pickled item. When I won Grand Champion for my pickled jalapenos, I told everybody.

“What’s your secret for making prizewinning jalapeños?” many asked.

“Celery seed,” I told them. “Always use celery seed that’s nice and fresh, and don’t forget the mustard powder.” Which wasn’t true at all. I don’t even use mustard powder; I said that to throw them off track, though in my heart I know I should have told the truth. The key to good jalapenos — pickled and sweet — is just picked jalapeños and a positive attitude. Inappropriate responses dampen the spirit of the competition.

However, the reality is, whether I win or don’t win the Grand Champion Teton County Fair ribbon, don’t even think about getting the recipe for my black skillet chocolate cake with hand-churned lemon buttercream frosting with homemade vanilla.

“You’d like my recipe?” I’ll say. “I’m sorry I lost it. And why would you want it anyway, since I had the wind blown out of my sails? Since I was brought to my knees, since I can no longer hold my head high when entering any county fair throughout the land because today, right this minute, I am not a grand champion but a third-place finisher at the Teton County Fair, gosh darn it. The dreaded white ribbon. Perhaps you’d like my recipe for queque, a spongecake leavened with beaten eggs originating during the Renaissance, which I plan to enter into the Teton County Fair next year.”