As for any developing human, small adjustments in cultural attitudes can result in a positive and supportive environment for healthy development. Accepting our friends and family as they are fosters level-headed members of society. I know this firsthand.

By 4 years old, my child’s choice of companions and activities tended toward a gender other than what aligned ostensibly with theirs. At that age all options were open and life was very serene. My child was growing up a happy and secure and engaged member of our world.

Entering middle school, things changed. Activities became gendered, and friendships across gender lines started to close off, for no reason other than custom. My previously cheerful and sociable child became guarded and insular. Computer games and skiing, both solitary pursuits, became activities of choice. We changed our place of worship after a decade of engaged membership because rules of attire were strictly enforced and definitely gendered. Physically, my child naturally presented as clearly other than their traditional gender-identified stereotype, making me concerned that they had a target on their back. And that was before dating entered our lives. Imagine your child excitedly getting ready for a first date. Then imagine worrying about whether or not your community will react with violence to that date. Remember Matthew Shepard? I do, daily.

But moments of hope arrived from unexpected quarters: a team sport that my child loved passionately and, miraculously, provided a large number of others just like them; a queer teen group at a community center called Qmunity was a blessing; and a queer-oriented camp program titled Camp Out was just plain fun.

Today my child is grown and managing the shifting tides of societal acceptance, tolerance, intolerance, prejudice, hostility and less frequent outright violence on their own. They have launched a successful career in a highly demanding profession where their colleagues respect and admire them for their knowledge, expertise and deeply kind manner. They have maintained a stable romantic relationship with an outstanding partner (same sex, not trans) for almost a decade, outlasting many of their hetero friends.

My barometer for normality is based on how well we perceive the world from another’s point of view and empathize. I cannot understand those who place value in color, faith and gender, and miss the point of human existence: understanding life through the eyes of another. The fight for trans rights, therefore, isn’t about “special rights.” It’s about fundamental rights. It’s about a just society with fairness and equality for all.

What I can do as a parent is offer my support for all the trans children in the world as best I can, meet with our political representatives to advocate for protections and pursue local justice when necessary. As Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”